Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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