just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
