carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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