im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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