I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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