Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
