I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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