Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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