Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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