So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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