literally had 100 drinks last night.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
