you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
