Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
