Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
