nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
