True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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