i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
