i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I need to stop coming to work sober
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
