I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
