He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize