As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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