Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
