i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i came on her dog
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
