Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i think i just lost a toe
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
