Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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