There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
