Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
