thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
