I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm getting married
To pizza
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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