You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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