She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
