I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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