DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
