oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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