i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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