I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
