I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
either way he was missing a nipple.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
