take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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