so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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