Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
