We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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