def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
