Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
