i think i have two assholes
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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