Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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