Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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