I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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