During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
