I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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