did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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