Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's never too late to be topless.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
