Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
