If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
