you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
