I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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