Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
