we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
