Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
