Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
