just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
