she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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