Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
