I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
