the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
